Communication/Social Skills
When we have Problems in our Relationships
Christina is intensively trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy through the Linehan Institute, Behavioral Tech. She utilizes Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and draws upon DBT Family Skills (DBT-FST) to support individuals in changing their relationships. We can make changes in our relationships through altering our OWN behavioral responses. Christina also draws strategies from Alan E. Fruzzetti’s DBT Family Skills curriculum which was developed for families dealing with tough and often complex needs and situations. When families are dealing with high risk behaviors and/or high conflict, each person involved plays a role in maintaining the difficulties. Christina helps individuals initiate change in their families by examining their own role, and she helps them model a validating and behavioral framework to understand what is going on.
DBT helps us develop new strategies for relating to one another. Through a dialectical worldview, we can learn to describe problem behaviors going on in a nonjudgmental and non-threatening ways so that others will listen to us and potentially respond to us more effectively. We learn to notice how problem behaviors function in both desired ways and unwanted ways at the same time, which can be surprisingly helpful in changing what is not working in a conversation. When we explore our relationship effectiveness from a behavioral perspective, we can create a safe space for examining what we are doing in our relationships that may be making things worse. We create safe space for everyone to be open about their behaviors, when we assume that all behaviors make sense in the moment when we are doing them, but perhaps don’t yield the desired result. DBT helps us utilize fresh, neutral terminology for describing our experiences and ways of thinking, which helps people be less judgmental of one another and themselves. From a position of equality, which means that no one person holds the truth in the situation, each person can feel free to express care for the relationship and oneself at the same time.
DBT can help us get along better with others and recover from disagreements more quickly. Some of the changes we often see when being more dialectical are: We time our interactions better; avoid over-reading nonverbal communication; strive for factual accuracy when describing our experience; develop curiosity about others and what they are going through; and make clear, concise requests of others in a neutral fashion. DBT helps us formulate our own personal limits and live by them. DBT invites us to increase our willingness to see situations from various perspectives and to let go of being “right.” This is called Dialectics, and it can pave the way for avoiding painful suffering from emotions. DBT skills help us express appreciation and acceptance of one another in tangible ways that can be truly felt. DBT helps us create equality in our relationship so that our differing needs are balanced, and everyone feels cared for in the relationship.
How can DBT Skills Help?
Research proven tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), such as emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness can help you:
- Validate others even when you disagree with them
- Generate warmth and empathy in ourselves and others any situation
- Deliver feedback without regrets later
- Repair misunderstandings rather than just apologize
- Problem-solve situations with others without losing your cool
- Communicate more with facts and less with opinions
- Build trust and credibility with others
- Communicate in a way that is consistent with your values
- Increase knowledge and appreciation of varying relational styles
- Self-validate your own emotional experience
- Develop curiosity (not expertise) about others’ emotional experiences
- Find the courage to be authentic with awareness and sensitivity
- Nurture acceptance of the things that cannot be changed
- Equalize power imbalances
- Think more flexibly about options for improving the relationship
- Establish and follow through with your own personal limits with your partner
- Identify and validate problematic interactional patterns and behaviors
- Increase clear, concise, concrete language and use of facts vs. abstract concepts
- Learn behaviors that build your credibility with others and that match your values
- Become less reactive and more intentional in behavioral responses
Relational problems can be addressed individually, when one person makes changes. To find out more about DBT to address the relational issues you are facing, contact Christina Unruh, LCSW.